Pinoy Racism 101

(In recent studies it has been shown that Filipinos are some of the least tolerant peoples when dealing with other races. But is there more to this than simply not wanting foreigners as neighbours?

Yes!

Below are a set of questions with the answers you should expect from a typical Filipino. I don’t believe them myself, of course – I know that Macau is in Nevada, not Las Vegas. But this is an awkward facet of our identity that we need to make fun of. Castigat ridendo mores)

–  What do you call someone from Germany, or France, or  Australia, or  Canada, or Britain? Amerikano

– What do you call someone from Taiwan, or mainland China, or Japan, or Korea? Intsik

– What do you call someone from Africa, or an Ita? Negro, nognogito, or baluga.

– How do you say hi to a Frenchman, or an Australian, or a Canadian, or a Briton? Halo Joe

– How do you say hi to a German? Hitler!

– How do you say hi to a Taiwanese, or a mainland Chinese, or a Japanese, or a Korean? Ching chong chang ching

– What is the difference between an Arab and a Bombay? Arabs are muslims, Bombays smell bad.

– What is the National Anthem of Japan? Buchikee

– What is the National Anthem of Korea? Gangnam Style

– What is the National Anthem of India? Jai Ho

– Who is the President of China? Jackie Chan

–  What do you call a Filipina who gets married to an Amerikano? A Jackpot girl

– What do you call a Filipino family with an Amerikano father/son-in-law? A Jackpot family

– What do you call the Filipina wife of a Japanese man? Japayuki

– What do you call the Filipina wife of an Arab? fourth wife

– What do you do when you pass by a Bombay? Cover your nose

– What do you do when an Amerikano approaches? Ask for money

– If an Intsik approaches you, what does he need? He thinks you owe him money

– What is the most common flavour from China? Melamin

– How is monosodium glutamate made? The Japanese grind their old people into powder to make it

– What is the National fruit of India? Onion

– What do you call an Indonesian, or a Malaysian, or a Mexican, or a Cambodian? Filipino also

– How do you say hi to an Indonesian, or a Malaysian, or a Mexican, or a Cambodian? You don’t say hi to Filipinos

– Who is causing trouble in Iraq? Abu Sayyaf

– In what country can you find Macau? Las Vegas

– What do you call someone from Mindanao? Muslim, or terrorist, or muklo

– What is the difference between a muklo and a badjao? A muklo spits all over the place, a badjao will only spit at you if you don’t give money

– What is the Filipino word for housekeeper? Inday

– What is the price of a hectare of ancestral domain? a can of sardines, or a pair of slippers

– Did you know that Manny Pacquiao is from Mindanao? No he is not muslim

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